46Climbs 2024
The following is a copy of my fundraising page for 46Climbs 2024.
View this story and more details here.
I will be joining many others worldwide, on the mountains and in the valleys to participate in 46Climbs 2024 “Climb to Conquer Suicide”. We will be raising funds to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I would appreciate any support that you give me for this worthwhile cause.
I was introduced to 46Climbs in 2020. I was taking a lunch break on top of a mountain when another hiker stopped as well. I asked him about his 46Climbs shirt and what it meant, naively thinking it had something to do with climbing the (wrong number of) Colorado 14ers. He told me that it was actually a fundraiser for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. My ears instantly perked up, I’d spent the past few months really struggling and something in me knew I needed to hear everything this hiker had to say.
I pressed him more, what made him participate, what peaks was he climbing, how did the fundraiser work, etc. As he was talking I started to cry. He shared that he’d lost a loved one that year to suicide and how it sent him into his own bout of depression. He talked about how his whole family was still reeling. How he’d stumbled upon the 46Climbs event and decided he needed to participate.
As soon as he finished his story I started dumping my own emotions onto the poor guy. I opened up more than I had with any friends or family in well over a year. I shared that I had attempted suicide myself years before. I talked about the dark place I was in. How, although I had no plans, I felt that I was the closest I’d been to trying again since. I told him about being so broken inside I’d needed to take months off work. I talked about how lonely I was and how I just needed someone to open up to. I shared about the way too many people in my life that had taken their own life, either through suicide or overdose.
It was his turn to cry. He admitted that earlier that year he felt the same way. That thoughts still crossed his mind every now and then. He said that giving himself something to focus on through training for 46Climbs really helped him. That knowing the pain his grandmother’s action caused all around her, he couldn’t do the same to them again.
We chatted some more, finished our food, wished each other luck for the rest of our hike. Then we got up and gave each other a big, sobbing hug. He told me everything would be okay, to just hang in there. I said the same to him. We parted ways. I never got his name.
That moment, the brief tear-filled conversation on a mountain top with a stranger, changed a lot for me. I didn’t instantly get over my depression, but I felt motivated to start turning myself around. I sought help. I talked to my friends and family. It was the kick in the ass I needed but couldn’t get on my own. I vowed that next year, and every year after, I’d participate in 46Climbs.
Spring 2021 rolled around, I signed up for 46Climbs as soon as registration opened. I began training. Until I tore my MCL. A whole new kind of depression hit, dealing with the ups and downs of injury and recovery. I had to call off 46Climbs that year. It wasn’t until September 2022 that I was able to even summit a mountain again, a full 2 years after learning of 46Climbs. 6 months later I learned that I needed surgery to ultimately heal from my knee injury - canceling my plans for 46Climbs 2023 before I’d started making them.
But here I am, finally able to dedicate myself to the event. I’ve spent many, many hours/days/months pulling myself back together from injury. Getting myself back to my happy place, out in the wild.
At the end of June this year, just a few weeks ago, my friend Aaron took his own life. The last 3 months of his life, I couldn’t show up for him in the way he needed. Nobody could, though many tried. I met Aaron less than a year ago. Although we’d only known each other for a short time, we became very close. He came to my home for Thanksgiving last year. We talked almost every day. Aaron helped me start my journey of sobriety. I owe him a lot. The last time I saw him we were skiing together at his favorite place in the world.
Over ten years ago, I got some of the best advice I’ve ever been given while mourning the loss of another loved one. “Live the life that they’d be proud of you for living.” When I told him about 46Climbs, Aaron loved the idea. He thought it was really cool that I was getting to participate later this year. I know he’d be proud of me for completing my goal.
Suicide sucks. It hurts way too many people.
This year, I’m climbing for Aaron, for that nameless stranger and his grandmother, for my friend Michael, for Carsten, and for all the others that are still struggling but haven’t gotten the help they need.
I hope you’ll consider donating to support AFSP in the name of my climb. If you can’t donate, and even if you do, more importantly than anything else, be there for those around you. Give someone a hug today. Tell your friends you love them. And seek help if you need it yourself.
=== My Climb ===
For this year’s 46Climbs I’ll be attempting to climb 5-7 Colorado 14ers over 3 days in the Sawatch range. Belford, Oxford, and Missouri (14.59 miles, 7,377ft of elevation gain) on Day 1. Harvard and Columbia (14.6 miles, 5,878ft of elevation gain) on Day 3. And, depending on my legs, I’ll either climb Huron (6.55 miles, 3,417ft of elevation gain), Shavano and Tabeguache (10.38 miles, 5,373ft of elevation gain), or take a day off on the 2nd day.
=== About AFSP ===
AFSP is at the forefront of research, education and prevention initiatives designed to reduce loss of life from suicide. With more than 47,000 lives lost each year in the U.S. and over one million worldwide, the importance of AFSP’s mission has never been greater, nor our work more urgent.